this last couple months have been kinda bullshit
i have planned on a bunch of different things
and planned on back-up plans
and none of it followed through

that stuff drives me mad
absolutely mad

i hate making plans that do not work out
i think we are smart enough to realize those plans wont work out when we make them
there are, of course, exceptions
but not in this (my) case

The point is i want to be seeing bolivia right now and i am bitching about it on the internet.

just please
i want to be content with the next and last couple months of my life


actually... on a totally different note
i started what i call an apprenticeship
with my friend Steve Filla
he makes art,
and he makes it well
He has the opportunity to get in to a gallery in Seattle in about 2 months
which is kind of a short time for him to get a bunch of pieces together
I was out for drinks with him and asked him if he needed help
This lead to other talks and i am helping him with the non-artistic parts of his work.

IN conclusion, i am not going anywhere for the next 2 months
i don't really know what i think about that
but what ev
It's killing me staying here
but if i am able to learn about art and experiment,
i think that is a very valuable thing to learn in life
i am all about learning and new experiences

I think i have made the right decision
in this area atleast.
peace
He is going to teach me as much as possible and pay me something.
why would i say no to this

he really does make very beautiful art
His website is nothing compared to seeing it in first hand.

think of all of the moments that have passed
they have occurred and expired
and will never happen again
how great were they
what should we do
the options have grown to produce way more than possible
which is the greatest option
things have been much worse
life use to be shit
i mean a long time ago
things have really taken a turn for the better (over the years)
it's amazing being able to say that
no matter what i choose, it will be okay
my head will be okay
do i need more patience or should i go for more
i love life, i really do.
it's amazing,
if you aren't impressed, your not pushing yourself far enough
don't be afraid.
No matter what - it will be okay
never forget that
even if your living in a homeless camp in AK and there are people with machetes
it will be okay
let your friends remind you
if you dont have friends reminding you,
you need knew friends
will this be good in the morning?
will i ever ruin it?
its all mine so what does that mean
nothing really
it really means nothing.
but know this:
i am almost always enjoying myself
even when i am working for little money or no money at all
or pressure washing pig shit from the barn

what's the point of being pissed off
it's as good as pissing yourself
and as good as drinking budweiser (i don't recommend it)
As far as my life, i want to make the most of it
i dont want to waste time,
there is no way to measure that
i do feel i have plenty of ambition
to see, and to experience and live.
i want it all
i think i want it all with out too much greed
i could be wrong
what the hell do i know?
according to you .... nothing
and i don't blame you for it.

i would think the same thing
can we all relax, we dont need violence
i wish i knew what to do
not even the right decision, but what's best
every decision is good
there is no for sure

until i have a plane ticket
nothing's for sure
Wait......
i thought that was truth
Steve told me otherwise
i trust him
don't you?

Is this world even real?
who can say for sure?
step up

it's real in someone's perception
only your own
only your own

lets all get together
thats what i really want

i would give all my money for everyone to be happy

i feel so good right now

life is more good than it is bad.
i am convinced

this of course, is my opinion
and like i said earlier
what the fuck do i know?
not more than you
as far as I'm concerned

I apologize for the crass speech
but this is my blog and if you are offended you can simply navigate away by clicking the "back" button in your upper left corner of the window of this page.
nothing against you if you do choose to navigate away. cheers and good luck
i do think that what i say is worth reading,
otherwise i wouldn't post it on this page.
that may be egotistical
but i think everyone is responsible for something worth reading (public reading)

the cold, the dark and the silence

music leads me
it pushes me
i love it.

is love forever?
who knows?
if you know, i want to hear about it. email me
NOW!!!!!

let's be honest i am dying to get to PERU and Bolivia
I am absolutely dying to get there
absolutely freaking dying to get there

an opportunity just opened and i may be able to learn some art
from a person i really respect.
i don't really think this is a position i should pass up. i think this is invaluable. are you kidding? if you were sitting next to me i may be able to explain it better ( i do wish you were sitting next to me whom ever you may be).

and so it goes...

Nothing is smooth

At this point, nothing is going how i expected it to go
My travel plans have been tossed around so much i don't even know what to think.
I am really hoping to be in Rwanda in 3 weeks or so. Until i have a plane ticket, i cant say i'm going for sure.
It's all very frustrating for me.
When i say I'm going to do something, i am going to do it.
and i hate it when it doesn't work.
or something gets in the way.
I am learning patience.
everyday i am learning patience.

I'm reading Dharma Bums right now. so far i like it.